“Performative male” is the new “gay”
In the early 2000s, the word “gay” circulated through everyday speech like punctuation—a quick adjective that turned any divergence from rigid masculinity into an insult. Men who enjoyed poetry, cared about fashion, or expressed emotion were labeled “gay.” Even songs, sneakers, and shirts could be dismissed the same way.
Being called “gay” did not always describe sexuality; instead, it served as criticism for sensitivity, aesthetic attention, or displays of emotion. Two decades later, this blunt shorthand has faded, but the urge behind it lingers, now with different language.
Today, men are rarely branded “gay” for acting or dressing in ways perceived as feminine. Instead, they might be called “performative.”
Clarifications
- This discussion treats the topic seriously, engaging with gender theory, performance, and trends such as “soft-boy” and “wellness-bro” culture, as well as online irony.
- The critique is not a comparison between teasing straight men for enjoying “feminine” things and the real homophobia queer people continue to face.
The word “gay” once fueled (and still fuels) bullying, family estrangement, employment discrimination, and violence.
- A cultural smirk toward men who drink matcha or share therapy quotes is not the same form of harm, nor is it argued to be.
Author’s Summary
The piece examines how the word “gay,” once used to police male behavior, has evolved into new terms like “performative,” reflecting the same tension around masculinity and emotion.